Sunday, October 18, 2009

Wanted: The IKEA Couple

The PERFECT couple. They wear their relationship like war paint everywhere they go. Smiles are teethy and wide and just LOVELY. He keeps his hair gelled. She wears big crystal globe earrings and dresses in whites, pinks, and blues. Go as Jim and Pam from The Office for Halloween and give out copies of The Color Code for Christmas. Everybody, from corrupt politicians to the weekly weed hackers, is JUST SO NICE. Milk and sugar each other with theatrical politeness and traveling show affection everywhere they go. Speak in quiet secretive tones around each other and speak up, sometimes too loudly, when around others or in public - especially if they find something FUNNY. Everything is FUNNY. Love sharing food and feeding each other. Preface sentences with what he or she "said the other day" because it was just so SMART and WONDERFUL. "The world would be a better place if everyone was as HAPPY as we are," they advertise when they hold hands and walk in the middle of hallway, or kiss and giggle loudly afterward while in the library. They make the air claustrophobic with their billboard romance. They seek to be observed and objectified. PERFECT.

I too wish to be PERFECT. Let's have a threesome. Let's explore positions. It'll be GREAT.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wanted: The Sk8tr Boi

Has a fake gold watch. Wears name brand shoes without socks and a black baseball hat. His tan makes him comfortable and he is empowered by his smart haircut. He always looks impatient in class and fiddles with his pen; prone to doodling black and white geometrical shapes on paper or desk. His longboard is stickered in loud slogans and menacing symbols. His jeans are tight enough to wear him and his white Hanes sell his ass crack. Addresses females by attending to their gender ("Babe, baby, girl, little girl") and attributes status to males ("Brother, bro, dude, man, boss"). Doesn't like to cause a fuss, won't speak up unless watching an athletic event or bragging about last night's sexual exploits. Usually seen doing pathetic tricks outside the library or bumming a cigarette in the parking lot.

I need someone quiet and complicit to work for me. Do my homework for me, man. Bro, work my job for me. Dude, buy my groceries and weed my yard. Be my bitch, Sk8tr Boi.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

About "Polaris"

It's been a major pain, basically. But I finally have a new blog on WordPress, and you're welcome to check it out.

It'll probably get a different title at some point. Ideally, it'll be the place where I can blab about movies and put politicking rants, as well as randomness about my life in general. This blog will continue to be the vent for my creative shamblings and offerings and whatnot.

That's all.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Wanted: The Straight Guy Closet Case

A ruthless Trekkie. High attraction to nonwhite girls - even and especially if they have blue or green skin, use a golden staff, can fire a plasma blaster accurately and read your mind. Suffers from the unrequited love of pale and malnourished anime girls with pink hair, loosened ties, tiny skirts and whopping tits - but dislikes talking about actually "doing it" with women. His wrists and hands are the only muscles that receive exercise (due to rapid joystick movements late at night in front of the computer); he may look normal and fit when facing him, but when viewed from the side his surprise rotund belly makes him look like a Who. Typically quiet but will laugh loudly (if nervously) when the right Star Wars reference is made. Indecisive. Needs to roll a twenty-sided dice to choose what to eat, what to wear, and what to do with his meager paycheck. Walks like a dinosaur and has a sauce stain on his shirt. Often red in the face but not from yelling or exercise. Owns wooden samurai swords. Rarely leaves his house or apartment except for a Beto's run or to pick up the newest game on the Top Ten list. He wears his socks too high.

I'm looking for a model for my photoshoot. I will use incredible lighting and color. Photoshop will clear your blemishes and whiten your teeth. The photos will be posted in sororities and on the "women for men" section of Craigslist. Pay negotiable.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

"Sediment Strikes The Atlantic"

You, restless,
revealing delicate
dregs of stomach hairs - you stretch, and
my nervous
eyes steal a view.
Your morning
stubble doesn't give a damn.
Be dissident in my house. We can share
my bed.

Aeolian winds now, excitedly
static, touching tongues as they busy
past to carve crests and peaks
of mountains,
snowy, feeling guilty
of their own terrible beauty.
Glaciers grace
slow and - one day plume
mists of sand into
oceans, into sedimental memory.

When your lips are still
dampened with our pungent beers,
resume your stories. We
observe the parking from a
safe distance.
You are
pointing your anger at newspaper
headlines again.

bronzed and
dirty scatter
into place
when you come
closer. Then are you - bright
spots of headlights dashing
electric along ebony
veins of highway or
careful butter spread on Monday
morning toast or
choirs of infant laughter dispelling
in nurseries or Time settling

I asked
what histories you'd
spoken of to her
"He's so sad now,"
she said.